I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
its liver damage thursday
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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