If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
