He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
