I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
