As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
