Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
