I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
