If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
