Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
