The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
