i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She even gives head with a lisp.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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