Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
