All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
