So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
