your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
