The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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