I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
