Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
