SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
