Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
