i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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