I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
