The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
