i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
whose parrot is this?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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