I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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