There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
