I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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