the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
