atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
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Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
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My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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