Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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