i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
