so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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