Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
