Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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