Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
