i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
