my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
