Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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