Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
