I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
