This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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