if i can run in heels then i can drive
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
