I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize