Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
