Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
