I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
