I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
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screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
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Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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