We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
