You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
