I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize