Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
They took my balls.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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