thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
