btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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