I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Everything about him screamed your future.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
