If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
420 ftw
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
