the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
