What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
