I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
