Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
