Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
