My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
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It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
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Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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