Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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