wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
