sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you win again, gameday.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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