just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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