my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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