So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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