were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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