I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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