its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.