R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
