her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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