Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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