mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
