Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Hippo gnu deer
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
