he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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