I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
