Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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